Gratitude

I've been thinking about gratitude lately: why do we want it, expect it, give it? The thank-you note has interestingly declined in use for gifts and increased in use for acknowledging that someone interviewed for a job or a space in a school. Curious. Why thank someone for just doing their job? Perhaps this could be called The New Obsequiousness. And we thought the Old Obsequiousness was unbearable. Does gratitude count when the underlying motivation is to curry favor? I think not. As someone near & dear to me says: we don't deserve credit for things that come easily to us. It's like the Victoria Cross: it's for valor, not bravery. As HM said when the medal was created, "Oh, it is for valor; they are all brave."
Back to gratitude. Of course we want the confirmation that a gift was received -- understandable. Consider, though, for whose real benefit has this gift been given: to enhance the rep of the giver? or to truly make another content? Real giving is not so easy. John Le Carre depicted a person giving another a special old book, long in his possession, whereupon the recipient commented he couldn't possibly take something so important to the donor. The friend replied, "Would you rather I gave you something I do not value?"